Forever Tainted

Before I lay my head down tonight, know that I’m in love with you. I never thought I’d find someone so true. I know you were made for me and I was made for you. I sleep best when I’m sleeping in your arms.

And I miss you.

It hurts me that you’re far and I so very badly want to pull you near (even when I have nothing to say), but at the same time, I’m terrified of what that means.

When you’re next to me, holding me, kissing me, on me, and in me even, I’m certain I want nothing more than an eternity with you. I crave you and all that you can and will give me. I want to be the mother of your children, as I know I’d be blessed to help pass on the genes that make you. You are perfect to me.

But is it not insane that I feel this way? We still know so little about one another…?

So many times I’ve been deceived by love in the past; in love with being in love, it’s true.

And not actually in love with any one man at all….

Is this real? Would losing you sting a decade from now?

And if so, just who are you and where did you come from? What gives you the right to interrupt my world and show me what love is really meant to be for me? Was I not good enough near complete, believing love was beat? I wasn’t really bad, though I wasn’t really good. It didn’t matter either way then. You made me good and you made it matter. I want so bad to be angry at you for making me see it this way, but…

I love you Lars.

And I know it’s all that’s tainted me that makes me question now how true this is. If I were to turn back time, to a time when I was innocent and new to this whole love thing…

I know I wouldn’t question what we have. It just feels so right.

Good night baby. I hope you’re sleeping like an angel. And know I can’t wait to be in your arms.