Monday, May 17, 2010

I just want you…

09:33 | Forever lost, Tainted Female | | Edit Post


We’re nearing the end of the month and my father is due to return. I’ll no longer be trapped on this rock and am expected in my office on the mainland about as soon as he gets off the plane… I miss my office. I miss my sister, and my nieces and my nephew. I miss the summer life Squamish offers.

Meanwhile, Lars has a few job interviews next week here and he’s moving towards moving in permanently. The last job didn’t fall through as the guy was looking for someone to take over the company rather than just an employee. Lars didn’t have the experience in the field. The concept of him moving in was fine when it was Lars renting the room upstairs (as others do), but with him moving in as my boyfriend… it scares the hell out of me. Does he now move into the room upstairs, or does he stay in my basement suite? And where does that leave him and my father when I take off to Squish for a few weeks? What if they don’t get along (though I find it hard to believe they wouldn’t)? My father is looking to get renters the fuck out of his house just the same… Maybe we need to look into finding another place for him and I. Though I know I’m needed here. Adding a person to your life sure can complicate things.

But I am most comfortable when he is here with me and there’s nothing more I want. He went back to the mainland last night for work. I slept on the couch and my neck is still sore. He’ll be back either today, or tomorrow. I can’t wait. In the meantime:

10 things I love about you (because I can’t count either).
1. You love me for all my faults and for all my perfections and neither more nor less.
2. You let me love you the way I need to love you.
3. You never make me feel ashamed of what I feel or how I think, and;
4. You understand that these are things that make me who I am, and you appreciate them whether or not you agree.
4. You take away my fudge and other sweet things when I ask you to.
5. You want to spoil me (and believe me you will!) with all you are and all you have.
6. When it’s not ‘Humbarambababababa’, you have great taste in music and sometimes, you’ll even dance with me (though neither of us know how to dance!).
7. You respect my beliefs, even if you don’t fully understand them.
8. You’re true to who and what you are. That’s a very rare quality these days.
9. You let me tell you I love you less than you do me (though we both know I’m lying).
10. You cook, you clean, and you f@*k! (It’s not just a coincidence that I do those things too – they’re good qualities!)
11. You don’t know all the answers and you won’t even pretend that you do (not even with Google at your beck and call!)
12. You didn’t rock the ferriswheel chair on purpose when we were at the top. That’s a big thing you know?!?
13. You have pure heart and a truly empathetic core, which means;
13. You feel my joy as you feel my pain – almost as if you are an extension of me.
13. My head rests perfectly on your chest, almost like they were built as a pair.
13. You know how to use all the tools that are lying around here, and you do use them to do great things!
13. You’re great with kids. I know you’ll make a great daddy one day.
14. You let me have as many 13’s as I want!
15. My mom would have looked up to you (both literally and metaphorically).
16. You can see your own faults and aim to change them, rather then deny or ignore they exist
17. You have pride and honour and are determined to be a good man – and you are just that.
18. You can reach things I can’t. Sometimes I want things that are up high.
19. Your belly collects fluff balls of all sorts of pretty colours!
20. You brought a handful of amazing people into my life and now, I’ll never let them go.
21. You make me feel young.
22. You’re responsible, solid, and strong which gives me room to be irresponsible, squishy and even weak when I need to be.
23. You write lists for me.
24. You let me choose what we’re going to watch on TV.
25. You complete me.
26. There’s not a doubt in my mind that just about all of this is mutual.
27. I miss you when you’re far.

I miss you baby. Come back soon.

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I am forever changing and always staying this same; a true living contradiction and as such, my thoughts and opinions change frequently. I may or may not still hold the same opinions noted in out-of-date posts.

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No matter where I am, I'm lost and learning to like it. I'm a living contradiction, and the best lies I tell are the ones I tell myself.
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