Forever Tainted

There are little secrets… the ones we don’t even let pass our lips, though we know they exist. Those are the secrets we are ashamed of; like wanting to see a love die with deluded hopes that they’ll now understand what we feel, or even worse, with tainted inspiration that we’ll have him back. These are the secrets we cannot embrace, so instead we lie to ourselves hoping the world won’t look too deep inside.

True love though… true love won’t crack that easily. True love uses misunderstandings, frustrations and even anger to learn and grow from. True love already has the tools to construct a perfect love. And today, we are in love deeper and truer than yesterday or the day before – no matter how many others hold hidden secrets are in their darkness.

Lars and I had our first disagreement yesterday. It hurt. I hurt. He hurt. His mom and sister hurt. The only one who seemed to think she may have somehow benefited from it is the evil that should, and now most certainly is his past – for good.

Sometimes, it just takes another perspective to make you see how your actions really do affect others, all others; instilling false hope in some, hurting the ones you love, and confusing if not frustrating others. Sometimes, the decency we are trying to perpetuate is in fact indecent after all – in this case continuing to enable the very co-dependent situation he walked away from and hurting the one he is walking to. Sometimes, the words “It’s not about you,” really need to mean, “it’s not about you” and not just used when you’re being a psycho bitch. And I think we’ve made good on all that.

I woke up this morning to sunshine in my heart and soul, and coincidently out the window as well. It’s a beautiful day for a ferry ride, though we’re not certain as to whether it will be him jumping on it, or me? Doesn’t matter, as we’ll be in each other’s arms by dusk. And that’s exactly where we should be.