Forever Tainted

You can know a person a lifetime and never really know them at all.

I don’t think I’ve ever come across a truer sentence. In this case, I’m starting to think I’m the one that you don’t know at all… And it would make sense that you don’t know me. We were apart for almost a decade. You can’t expect to gain that much knowledge, that much growth, or even that much observation or perspective in less than a year or two. It would be arrogant of me to think you know even a millimetre below the surface of who I am. It’s rather ignorant of you to think you know anything about me at all. But that of course, is just my opinion and we all know opinions are like assholes, don’t we?

For the sake of the sake... I sincerely don't care. I'm simply indifferent to you.

You keep telling yourself you have all the answers. In your own head (and to those who will listen to you) you’re welcome to fix my life along with everyone else’s all you please. You can even keep attempting to push your ideas on me if it suites you fine. I decided long ago, I want to live my life. That’s what I intend to do. And I’m fairly certain I can do that just fine without you or your ideas in it. So I’ll just keep not listening and continue disregarding, deleting and ignoring while you keep talking and you won’t faze me one bit outside your own world - and I promise I won't interrupt what happens in there. That's your very own space. This way, everyone’s happy. And I like happy. Happy is good.

Talking about happy…

I’m trying my hardest to send happy thoughts to one of my my best friend's on earth. I spoke to her the other night (Lar’s got to ‘meet’ her) and she explained to me that she’s finally divorcing the asshole who’s stolen any happy moment she could possibly have had over the past few years.

I talk about her in my old blog, here, as well as in multiple other places throughout both blogs and even older online journals that I've since made private. The trip I mentioned booking in that linked entry, never fell through because the bastard she’s now divorcing from beat the shit out of her and locked her in the house making her miss her flight.

I’ve told her multiple times if she’d just come here, we’ll get her a visa and sort everything else out afterwards. She is one person I would literally give my life for – and the last time I saw her was when she delivered her daughter in Serbia in 2003. I miss her terribly.

And now she’s suffering. Hopefully, for the last time at the hands of this asshole. Please send positive thoughts and prayers her; hope she can make it out this way sometime soon. If there's anyone on earth that deserves happiness, it's this woman. I've never known someone so noble, honest, true or even pure.

I <3 you Zorana. I really do. (And even if we do both end up in the trash, we'll be there together and laughing so it's all good!)