Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Poison…

23:27 | Forever lost, Tainted Female | | Edit Post
You can’t offer a person a glass of tainted wine, with the capsules clearly visible and then claim you’re offering them nourishment, scream at them for not accepting your gesture, while they watch you try to poison them.

Likewise, you can’t claim you’re trying to make amends, make up, and get over a falling out, while still assaulting and insulting, furious your futile attempts at reconciliation fail.

It just doesn’t work.

Today is my 30th birthday.  I’ve learned a lot in my 30 years.  Mostly, I’ve learned I don’t have room for negative influences.  I don’t have the patience to deal with the bullshit. 

We don’t have the time on planet earth to give in to sour, sick, exaggerated feelings. 

We love.  We hate.  We feel torn.  We live. We laugh. We cry.  We hurt… both others and ourselves.  We learn.  We laugh some more. We cry harder.  We scream louder, and then we whisper softer.  We feel ambivalence, and abundance.  We love more.  We hate more. We get to know passion like the back of our hands, and then like any flaming romance it eventually dulls, even bores.  Then we’re faced with the choice:

Do we seek something greater, higher, deeper, and more extravagant? Or are we content with what we have, what we know?

When it comes to emotional roller coasters, I’ve had my share.  And I’ve decided that I’m content and do not need to know a deeper love nor hate.  I do not need to express my anger over days of insult, childish, dramatic, totally dysfunctional behaviour.  And I don’t wish to associate with those who have reached adulthood and still feel the need.  I love through and true, and I have chosen to love you.

Life is not easy.  Nor is love.  We learn to communicate effectively to get the responses we need… Or, as the battle of the fittest works we keep losing – over and over again.

If you really want me to drink that glass of wine… next time you pour it… leave the pills aside.
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No matter where I am, I'm lost and learning to like it. I'm a living contradiction, and the best lies I tell are the ones I tell myself.
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