Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Add blood and guilt…

13:05 | Forever lost, Tainted Female | | Edit Post
So I woke up this morning and the pain has subsided a little.  Normally, I’d assume that’s a sign of healing.  But normally, pain reduction wouldn’t be accompanied by bleeding.  My ear is bleeding.  Add that to being deaf, having a dry cough that keeps me awake at night, and it’s not a pretty picture.  I’m not a pretty picture.

We can add guilt to the mix now too.

When I realized I was bleeding, I sent an email to the bosses, letting them know the situation in case I fail to function at my regular standards, somewhat or somehow today.  Also knowing the pain has subsided, and that finding someone to cover my shift tonight would be a bitch; I was fully prepared to work through it – despite waking up still feeling miserable, and even a little pissed off over yesterday and still ill.

Now I feel horribly guilty though too.  My boss responded pretty-much forbidding me to work tonight, reassuring me that had she known I was feeling that foul yesterday I wouldn’t have worked that shift either.  Now, I feel overwhelmingly bad for being so bitter, for half contemplating taking a snowboarding day today, for being such a total bitch.

Why do I have to be such a bitch?

I really am very lucky.  I have a job that I love and very understanding bosses.  I am contemplating my future with this company, and though I haven’t had a chance to blog about it, that talk I was dreading, did take place and did go very well.  When the time is right, I’ll make up my mind about all options and share them here… for now… I just need to remember how truly lucky I am…

Well that... and I need to go to bed.

I’m going to bed.
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No matter where I am, I'm lost and learning to like it. I'm a living contradiction, and the best lies I tell are the ones I tell myself.
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