Showing posts with label Funnies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funnies. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Amazing… Not so surprising, but amazing just the same..
I Googled my name yesterday and got a good laugh. Here, I’ll show you:
Now, of course I’ve blacked out both my full name and the blog owners details (including her URL) because we wouldn’t want to send traffic her way – leading you all to read something I myself haven’t and won’t bother to read. Trust me, you’re not missing much – and those of you closest to me will know my real name and can Google it yourselves if you really must. At least then, you can’t blame me for wasting your precious time reading the bullshit that’s bound to be included in that link.
What’s amazing about this isn’t the fact that there’s some idiot ranting about me online, using my full name (I have lots of enemies, I’m aware - though I must admit I'd have thought this one would have a little more tact and use a little more caution), nor is it the fact that it’s most likely full of personal stabs and jabs and self-praising self-righteous garb what a wonderfully perfect person the author is and what a horribly fucked up person I am… what’s amazing about this is that the blog owner was once one of my best friends. That was a friendship that ended months ago – and from a huge blow out we also had years ago, I was then and still am now certain my life has way more quality in it, now that she’s not a part of my life. It was a mistake to make amends when we initially did; and one I won’t make twice.
What’s also amazing about this is even in the intro bit that I can read of this entry here, she still insists that I read her blog, care what she thinks in any way. What a fucking joke. That’s narcissistic denial at it’s best – though I must admit, I’m tempted to click on that link just to see if there’s anything there that would warrant slander charges. But I soooo couldn’t care less.
Whatever this fat bitch had to say about me must have made her feel better. If I can bring her something positive, even in such a sick sense – long after I’ve forgotten and let go of her, then so is it. She might as well keep her ranting words as a reminder of what a great person she is and how horrible I am. And as since the start of her and my falling, she can keep them for herself and anyone who actually cares what she thinks because I really have no interest in what she has to say; her thoughts are more tainted than my entire being – towards me and most other things in life as far as I'm concerned.
Which brings me to my next point. I’ve been so comfortably in love and busy with the renovations and decoration of the new suite that I’ve managed to gain 10 lbs. I haven’t a clue how I fell out of the routine of gym’in it for a few hours each day, then a jog most nights, but it’s time I kicked my ass back into gear. And I’m not at all depressed about it. I’m almost looking forward to the molding of my body and soul again. It’s like a little challenge – lets see how much progress we can make each day, and how long it’ll take for us to get fully comfortable in our own skin again… And though I complain about the bit of extra meat I have on my bones right now… I’ve enjoyed gaining it with red wine in the hottub, and snacks on the sofa with my lover at my side. I wouldn’t really give those pounds back for the time it took to gain them if I had the choice. We won’t tell him that though… it’ll make his head swell.
I Googled my name yesterday and got a good laugh. Here, I’ll show you:
Now, of course I’ve blacked out both my full name and the blog owners details (including her URL) because we wouldn’t want to send traffic her way – leading you all to read something I myself haven’t and won’t bother to read. Trust me, you’re not missing much – and those of you closest to me will know my real name and can Google it yourselves if you really must. At least then, you can’t blame me for wasting your precious time reading the bullshit that’s bound to be included in that link.
What’s amazing about this isn’t the fact that there’s some idiot ranting about me online, using my full name (I have lots of enemies, I’m aware - though I must admit I'd have thought this one would have a little more tact and use a little more caution), nor is it the fact that it’s most likely full of personal stabs and jabs and self-praising self-righteous garb what a wonderfully perfect person the author is and what a horribly fucked up person I am… what’s amazing about this is that the blog owner was once one of my best friends. That was a friendship that ended months ago – and from a huge blow out we also had years ago, I was then and still am now certain my life has way more quality in it, now that she’s not a part of my life. It was a mistake to make amends when we initially did; and one I won’t make twice.
What’s also amazing about this is even in the intro bit that I can read of this entry here, she still insists that I read her blog, care what she thinks in any way. What a fucking joke. That’s narcissistic denial at it’s best – though I must admit, I’m tempted to click on that link just to see if there’s anything there that would warrant slander charges. But I soooo couldn’t care less.
Whatever this fat bitch had to say about me must have made her feel better. If I can bring her something positive, even in such a sick sense – long after I’ve forgotten and let go of her, then so is it. She might as well keep her ranting words as a reminder of what a great person she is and how horrible I am. And as since the start of her and my falling, she can keep them for herself and anyone who actually cares what she thinks because I really have no interest in what she has to say; her thoughts are more tainted than my entire being – towards me and most other things in life as far as I'm concerned.
Which brings me to my next point. I’ve been so comfortably in love and busy with the renovations and decoration of the new suite that I’ve managed to gain 10 lbs. I haven’t a clue how I fell out of the routine of gym’in it for a few hours each day, then a jog most nights, but it’s time I kicked my ass back into gear. And I’m not at all depressed about it. I’m almost looking forward to the molding of my body and soul again. It’s like a little challenge – lets see how much progress we can make each day, and how long it’ll take for us to get fully comfortable in our own skin again… And though I complain about the bit of extra meat I have on my bones right now… I’ve enjoyed gaining it with red wine in the hottub, and snacks on the sofa with my lover at my side. I wouldn’t really give those pounds back for the time it took to gain them if I had the choice. We won’t tell him that though… it’ll make his head swell.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
How life gets in the way of the things we want to do…
Last night after work (both my work here in my office, and Lars’ evening work on the suite) we cuddled up and listened to his voice-mail together. We couldn’t change his number without losing them, so just in case there was something important in the mess we decided it better to do first. Finding the time to bother with the dribble was the hard part; but last night it was finally done. 17 000 messages from the ex, accusing him/us of stealing his dog and begging for him to call – promising she wasn’t going to stop calling until he answers her (pathetic), 2 or 3 messages from debt collections agencies asking FOR HER (disgusting, but not surprising), and one call from the RCMP about the dog (ridiculous).
The cop sounded annoyed that his time was being wasted on this, and actually said he really didn’t care, but the ex girlfriend claimed to be worried about the safety of the dog, so if we have M, to please give him a call and let him know that he’s safe. We’re not calling. And there’s fuck all that bitch or the RCMP can do about that. Your accusations, they’re a civil matter bitch. The RCMP can’t do anything for you – aside from try to appease you by making a phone call. It’s my legal right to ignore that message and you, cunt. Stop wasting my tax dollars by abusing the use of our police force (you spend enough of my money, being the ungrateful welfare bum that you are)!
His number has now been changed and that chapter of his life is done with. Though I’m certain, we’ll all exhale when we know she’s no longer on Canadian soil, leaching off our system. Never in my life have I come across such a delusional psychotic being.
~*~
I’ve spent a fair amount of time thinking about her feeble attempts at insulting me. Things like, ”If I’m a bad mom for leaving my 2 & 3 year-old children at home all alone where they might accidentally kill themselves, what about you for leaving the country your child is in?!” The concept of ‘It’s ok to be crappy because in my perspective I think others are shitty too’, is beyond me.
For the record, I’m not a bad mom and I’m ok with the decisions I’ve made regarding my son. By all means, I WAS a shitty, neglectful mother that couldn’t handle it even with maids and all sorts of help. I had trouble engaging my son in play, and spending any sort of quality time with him. I was too sick to make it to school functions. And though I wanted to spend every moment with him, I didn’t have the energy to do anything while he was around. It took five years but, I was finally able to see what a bad influence I was on my young sons life, and that is exactly why I made the choices I did – the best choices possible for both him and I – no matter how badly it hurt. My son is in fantastic care, with his father (who loves him very much), and other family who wouldn’t dare have left him alone for a minute when he was a toddler. He carries his own cell so he and I can talk, and the minute it’s possible he and I will be together again, I’m certain.
In the meantime, when Lars and I are ready to have our own children… I know that heart and soul, I’ll be prepared for it. They won’t be locked in a back room, while I watch movies or play on the net. They won't be left alone while I leave the house for any reason. Their only language won’t be of screaming and yelling. They’ll not be fed food that kills from places like McDonalds. And they’ll be loved, so very, very loved.
Other attempted insults like, ”I’m young and you’re old…" have me almost in stitches for so very many reasons. The first being the most obvious, I’m not old. Moving on, does she somehow suppose that she is the only person on earth that will somehow fight time, and stay forever young? Or is she really trying to turn into an insult something that she will evidently have to become? Does she view today, her tomorrow as an insult? ”Youth is wasted on the young.” God it must suck to see the world through her eyes. If getting back a decade meant I’d have to see the world as she does, I sure as fuck wouldn’t take those years back for the world!
Anyway, I’ve gone on for a rather long time about this… I think I’ll head on over to our new suite and see if there’s anything I can do. If not, maybe we’ll head out for a walk, or I’ll just curl back up in bed before I go into work this afternoon. It's a beautiful day... But I kinda feel like spending it in bed.
Last night after work (both my work here in my office, and Lars’ evening work on the suite) we cuddled up and listened to his voice-mail together. We couldn’t change his number without losing them, so just in case there was something important in the mess we decided it better to do first. Finding the time to bother with the dribble was the hard part; but last night it was finally done. 17 000 messages from the ex, accusing him/us of stealing his dog and begging for him to call – promising she wasn’t going to stop calling until he answers her (pathetic), 2 or 3 messages from debt collections agencies asking FOR HER (disgusting, but not surprising), and one call from the RCMP about the dog (ridiculous).
The cop sounded annoyed that his time was being wasted on this, and actually said he really didn’t care, but the ex girlfriend claimed to be worried about the safety of the dog, so if we have M, to please give him a call and let him know that he’s safe. We’re not calling. And there’s fuck all that bitch or the RCMP can do about that. Your accusations, they’re a civil matter bitch. The RCMP can’t do anything for you – aside from try to appease you by making a phone call. It’s my legal right to ignore that message and you, cunt. Stop wasting my tax dollars by abusing the use of our police force (you spend enough of my money, being the ungrateful welfare bum that you are)!
His number has now been changed and that chapter of his life is done with. Though I’m certain, we’ll all exhale when we know she’s no longer on Canadian soil, leaching off our system. Never in my life have I come across such a delusional psychotic being.
~*~
I’ve spent a fair amount of time thinking about her feeble attempts at insulting me. Things like, ”If I’m a bad mom for leaving my 2 & 3 year-old children at home all alone where they might accidentally kill themselves, what about you for leaving the country your child is in?!” The concept of ‘It’s ok to be crappy because in my perspective I think others are shitty too’, is beyond me.
For the record, I’m not a bad mom and I’m ok with the decisions I’ve made regarding my son. By all means, I WAS a shitty, neglectful mother that couldn’t handle it even with maids and all sorts of help. I had trouble engaging my son in play, and spending any sort of quality time with him. I was too sick to make it to school functions. And though I wanted to spend every moment with him, I didn’t have the energy to do anything while he was around. It took five years but, I was finally able to see what a bad influence I was on my young sons life, and that is exactly why I made the choices I did – the best choices possible for both him and I – no matter how badly it hurt. My son is in fantastic care, with his father (who loves him very much), and other family who wouldn’t dare have left him alone for a minute when he was a toddler. He carries his own cell so he and I can talk, and the minute it’s possible he and I will be together again, I’m certain.
In the meantime, when Lars and I are ready to have our own children… I know that heart and soul, I’ll be prepared for it. They won’t be locked in a back room, while I watch movies or play on the net. They won't be left alone while I leave the house for any reason. Their only language won’t be of screaming and yelling. They’ll not be fed food that kills from places like McDonalds. And they’ll be loved, so very, very loved.
Other attempted insults like, ”I’m young and you’re old…" have me almost in stitches for so very many reasons. The first being the most obvious, I’m not old. Moving on, does she somehow suppose that she is the only person on earth that will somehow fight time, and stay forever young? Or is she really trying to turn into an insult something that she will evidently have to become? Does she view today, her tomorrow as an insult? ”Youth is wasted on the young.” God it must suck to see the world through her eyes. If getting back a decade meant I’d have to see the world as she does, I sure as fuck wouldn’t take those years back for the world!
Anyway, I’ve gone on for a rather long time about this… I think I’ll head on over to our new suite and see if there’s anything I can do. If not, maybe we’ll head out for a walk, or I’ll just curl back up in bed before I go into work this afternoon. It's a beautiful day... But I kinda feel like spending it in bed.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
This is the third Canada Day in a row that I’ve been back home. Three years. I don’t want to be anywhere else on earth.
Yesterday was a bit of a ride (in more ways than one). I asked my boss for a much-deserved raise. It’s not something I did with ease; as I sincerely feel she’s like a mother to me, and as such I dislike asking her for anything but rather trust that she will look out for my best interests on her own. I tend to forget that we work together in an office, and despite having such a wonderful friendship, when it comes to work our relationship, it is a professional one.
’Professional…’ I’m so glad I know the definition of that word, and spend a lot of my life acting it out…
I laughed a lot at an online war that took place on my blog. It’s been years since I’ve been drawn into such fun ‘n games. But it was on my blog, and my blog is where I can indulge in whatever whim I please at any given moment, I guess. I felt a lot of pity as well; pity for neglected children and a misguided delusional mother who should have been spayed like any stray dog years before conceiving. I felt pity for the fool of an obvious average intelligence level and an engrossed ego to match an impressive vocabulary, that’s been drawn into her toxic web. If only he saw through my eyes (or anyone else’s), he’d see the laughing stock she’s made of him and his empty threats (or ‘promises’ as he prefers we called them)…
This morning I decided to disable the comments on the post, as I believe Lars and I have wasted enough time on idiocy. And hell, since we already have the US Army after us, we should stop while we're still alive!
For now, I’ll ponder the ludicrous that she is, the spite that she holds on to, the insanity that she finds comfort in, the lies she tells, and the true love that we’ve gained from her loss.
Tonight, Lars and I will celebrate the birthday of this great nation. We’ve planned to pack a picnic and go down to the water, where we’ll listen to the live bands then finally watch the fireworks after the sun goes down.
In celebration of Canada, lets share a giggle:
I'm proud to be a Canadian
Pass me another beer
I'm proud to be a Canadian
Hold my seat while I take a piss
Our prime minister sucks dogshit through his nose
His ex-wife gets brown showers from Mick Jagger
The only reason we live in fucking igloos
Is our government makes a living licking shit holes
I'm proud to be a Canadian
Pass me another welfare check
I'm proud to be a Canadian
Hold my seat while I go out and cash it
I'm proud to be a Canadian
Pass me another Eskimo
I'm proud to be a Canadian
Hold my seat while I fuck her up the ass hole
Yesterday was a bit of a ride (in more ways than one). I asked my boss for a much-deserved raise. It’s not something I did with ease; as I sincerely feel she’s like a mother to me, and as such I dislike asking her for anything but rather trust that she will look out for my best interests on her own. I tend to forget that we work together in an office, and despite having such a wonderful friendship, when it comes to work our relationship, it is a professional one.
’Professional…’ I’m so glad I know the definition of that word, and spend a lot of my life acting it out…
I laughed a lot at an online war that took place on my blog. It’s been years since I’ve been drawn into such fun ‘n games. But it was on my blog, and my blog is where I can indulge in whatever whim I please at any given moment, I guess. I felt a lot of pity as well; pity for neglected children and a misguided delusional mother who should have been spayed like any stray dog years before conceiving. I felt pity for the fool of an obvious average intelligence level and an engrossed ego to match an impressive vocabulary, that’s been drawn into her toxic web. If only he saw through my eyes (or anyone else’s), he’d see the laughing stock she’s made of him and his empty threats (or ‘promises’ as he prefers we called them)…
This morning I decided to disable the comments on the post, as I believe Lars and I have wasted enough time on idiocy. And hell, since we already have the US Army after us, we should stop while we're still alive!
For now, I’ll ponder the ludicrous that she is, the spite that she holds on to, the insanity that she finds comfort in, the lies she tells, and the true love that we’ve gained from her loss.
Tonight, Lars and I will celebrate the birthday of this great nation. We’ve planned to pack a picnic and go down to the water, where we’ll listen to the live bands then finally watch the fireworks after the sun goes down.
In celebration of Canada, lets share a giggle:
I'm proud to be a Canadian
Pass me another beer
I'm proud to be a Canadian
Hold my seat while I take a piss
Our prime minister sucks dogshit through his nose
His ex-wife gets brown showers from Mick Jagger
The only reason we live in fucking igloos
Is our government makes a living licking shit holes
I'm proud to be a Canadian
Pass me another welfare check
I'm proud to be a Canadian
Hold my seat while I go out and cash it
I'm proud to be a Canadian
Pass me another Eskimo
I'm proud to be a Canadian
Hold my seat while I fuck her up the ass hole
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Me
- Tainted Female
- No matter where I am, I'm lost and learning to like it. I'm a living contradiction, and the best lies I tell are the ones I tell myself.
My Blog List
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Compare and Contrast6 years ago
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Hello 2014!11 years ago
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40 CONSCIOUS years!12 years ago
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Pink Pudding12 years ago
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Another year has passed13 years ago
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allo allo..13 years ago
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See you in Oz?14 years ago
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Downtown14 years ago
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