Forever Tainted

Amazing… Not so surprising, but amazing just the same..

I Googled my name yesterday and got a good laugh. Here, I’ll show you:



Now, of course I’ve blacked out both my full name and the blog owners details (including her URL) because we wouldn’t want to send traffic her way – leading you all to read something I myself haven’t and won’t bother to read. Trust me, you’re not missing much – and those of you closest to me will know my real name and can Google it yourselves if you really must. At least then, you can’t blame me for wasting your precious time reading the bullshit that’s bound to be included in that link.

What’s amazing about this isn’t the fact that there’s some idiot ranting about me online, using my full name (I have lots of enemies, I’m aware - though I must admit I'd have thought this one would have a little more tact and use a little more caution), nor is it the fact that it’s most likely full of personal stabs and jabs and self-praising self-righteous garb what a wonderfully perfect person the author is and what a horribly fucked up person I am… what’s amazing about this is that the blog owner was once one of my best friends. That was a friendship that ended months ago – and from a huge blow out we also had years ago, I was then and still am now certain my life has way more quality in it, now that she’s not a part of my life. It was a mistake to make amends when we initially did; and one I won’t make twice.

What’s also amazing about this is even in the intro bit that I can read of this entry here, she still insists that I read her blog, care what she thinks in any way. What a fucking joke. That’s narcissistic denial at it’s best – though I must admit, I’m tempted to click on that link just to see if there’s anything there that would warrant slander charges. But I soooo couldn’t care less.

Whatever this fat bitch had to say about me must have made her feel better. If I can bring her something positive, even in such a sick sense – long after I’ve forgotten and let go of her, then so is it. She might as well keep her ranting words as a reminder of what a great person she is and how horrible I am. And as since the start of her and my falling, she can keep them for herself and anyone who actually cares what she thinks because I really have no interest in what she has to say; her thoughts are more tainted than my entire being – towards me and most other things in life as far as I'm concerned.

Which brings me to my next point. I’ve been so comfortably in love and busy with the renovations and decoration of the new suite that I’ve managed to gain 10 lbs. I haven’t a clue how I fell out of the routine of gym’in it for a few hours each day, then a jog most nights, but it’s time I kicked my ass back into gear. And I’m not at all depressed about it. I’m almost looking forward to the molding of my body and soul again. It’s like a little challenge – lets see how much progress we can make each day, and how long it’ll take for us to get fully comfortable in our own skin again… And though I complain about the bit of extra meat I have on my bones right now… I’ve enjoyed gaining it with red wine in the hottub, and snacks on the sofa with my lover at my side. I wouldn’t really give those pounds back for the time it took to gain them if I had the choice. We won’t tell him that though… it’ll make his head swell.