Forever Tainted

It's been a week and a day now Tareq.  My heart still aches at the void born to humanity at your passing. I think of you constantly, perhaps just a little bit more than I did while you were still breathing. You were always in my heart. Your  name ran across my lips so often that your passing was much a loss for those I work and live with, though you never met.

Each encounter we ever had was like yesterday. I was shocked to read through our old emails and realize its been almost a year since we'd had a real chat of sorts. I thought it was just recently we were planning to meet at the Sun Run but a closer look proves those were last years plans, that fell through. The Sun Run is around the corner again and I missed you. I have learned from this.

I have reached out to those I love and let them know it, and I've made a promise to myself that I'll keep on doing so and more frequently. I want to leave each encounter knowing I was there, engaged, loving each breath with my company as you lived and loved each and every one of yours. I have tried to enter each encounter this week with love in mind and upon my lips.  It is my intention to forever now do so.

I've taken steps towards all those things you encouraged me (and so many others) to do. I have submitted my application form to volunteer  with the Suicide Awareness for Youth. Training starts this fall. I've contacted our Saanich Emergency Response. I am waiting a reply on how to get involved. I called Red Cross Canada and will volunteer with them as well.  

In yoga, this past week, I have accomplished things I did not want and would not have tried without you in mind. I'm thankful I did.

Your lessons weren't taught in vain, old friend. I am just one person. There are hundreds if not thousands you've  touched, each of whom you've encouraged to be a better person in some way.  How many of us have taken those first steps, only since you left us? How long might we have waited, if you were still here to be brilliant for us? Perhaps we'd end up taking our own last breath without allowing ourselves the opportunity to make ourselves just a little bit greater too? Without your life, without your death, we may not have ever known we had it in us to reflect even a little bit of you. Thank you. Thank you Tareq, for you and for all that you've given me and others. We will carry you with us always.