Forever Tainted

I have been incredibly ill pretty much since my last posting here. A lot of funny little things have happened that I haven’t had the energy to write about. In particular, I’m talking about my mom and how strange she really has become.

Now that the mediation is over, and the papers are in the making, she’s acting like it’s a new beginning with my father. She’s friendly with him, has invited him on a trip to Thai Land after Christmas (she’s offering to pay – with money that was once theirs but is now hers), and is convinced that the two of them should start counselling. What makes all this strange is the fact that she’s spent the best part of the last two years insisting that she was leaving him, making his life hell, and fighting to separate all assets so that she has her own little piece. Don’t most couples consider counselling and vacations prior to legal separation of assets? Aren’t lawyers and courts, and mediators the last resort when all is said and done in a relationship? And does my mother have any real recollection of the shit she’s done in the past to her entire family? My father wants to stay on good terms with her, but as of now he still has no intention of getting romantically involved with her again.

My intuition says that they spent 15 years together, and chances are they will get back together soon enough – despite the fact that my mother is not the same woman she once was. My intuition says the habit of being with one another for so long is still under both of their skins and now, since my mother cannot pose any legal threat to my father, at least not once the papers are signed, they could find some sort of comfort in something similar to the norm they once shared.

In the meantime, my grandmother is pissed about the results of the mediation and how my mother ‘short-changed’ herself. And all the while she’s trying to convince my mom that the two of them should take a trip to Las Vegas together – which confirms our suspicions as to why grandma was of no help when my father and I tried to contact her as my mom’s symptoms started appearing a year and a half ago. If anything, that cunt helped convince my mother that she needed to separate from my dad and all her medical, psychological and addictive problems would vanish with him. The selfish bitch has only ever been looking out for herself and what she may get from the legal separation. I don’t believe I’ve ever known someone so evil in my life.

And perhaps the most bizarre of all, is my mother’s mention of Dubai, and my son. She’s mentioned she may buy both her and I tickets to back so we could visit my son. Of course, none of this was ever said to me and I myself am not ready to be in Dubai, and would weary of travelling there (or anywhere for that matter) with my mom. Who the hell knows what kind of problems she could cause? In the past year she has suggested kidnapping my baby and smuggling him out of the country more than once. That’s not something I’m interested in, and not something I would dare risk. And let’s not forget that chances are, my mom couldn’t get back into Dubai if she tried – as she’s got a credit card there she failed to pay. When this is mentioned to her, she insists that she gave me the money to pay it off, which of course is not true. In fact, she took out a bank loan here to pay it off, but I never saw a dollar of that money as she pissed it away with copious amounts of other money, while I continued to make payments on the card while I was in Dubai.

It’s all a big mess. And my words are coming out like little assholes, not one of them wanting to flow well with another. So I best stop writing now, before my fever fully takes over and I lose all thought.