Wednesday, April 28, 2010

20 years ago his mother moved in with her current love after knowing him only a month. They are still as madly in love today as they were way back then. She tells me they still giggle. They grew together, changed together. I’m certain that’s one of the reasons she is so for my Lars and I, already. I’m certain it’s one of the reasons she’s already hinting at hopes of him and I having children. I’m certain it’s one of the reasons she believes her son has found his ‘one’, and I have found mine in him.

Besides… I schooled him at chess…

Today is his 1st day at his new job here, on the island. Or rather, today is his interview day. Though there’s no reason at all to think he won’t get the job. He’s strong, he’s dedicated, and he’s a hard worker. We are going to build a future together, step-by-step. We’ll accomplish much together, I’m sure.

In order to build a future, we must first come to terms and make sense of our past. And he has a past – though I certainly spend more time thinking about it than he does. He feels he spent enough time trying to make sense of it without success. He has come to terms with that – while for me; it’s just an anomaly. And anomalies amuse me to no end. They always have and always will.

Life is ever changing and always staying the same. And while she will never thank us for removing her from the cloud that he and I are falling into, we know today we did what was best... for her and for us. She will never realize that today, she cries less for him because she is not able to witness what he and I and all those around us are becoming together. I see it though. Her words no longer surround him. Her thoughts are no longer on me being with him. She is finally allowing herself to move on - if only on the surface of her soul, the subconscious will follow. She can do so because… She is no longer privy to seeing what he gives me so freely and was unable to give her. I sincerely hope she never regrets the permanent symbols she’s married herself to, while screaming about their independence; her subconscious knows all too well, they are tied to him in every way. When she realizes through and through that he has let go, I hope she learns to let go too.

And we are better off as we are no longer made to feel guilt for our love-struck actions and we are free to know they have nothing to do with her. We dance together, scream one another’s names at the top of our lungs and share our love so freely, so openly that those around us are in love with our love & happiness. And there is no one to accuse, we’re doing it out of spite for her. There are no irrational, immature outbursts of veiled hate, or seething jealousy, grotesquely costumed with a broken innocence or pure intentions.

The best told lies are the ones we tell ourselves, and believe. And she sincerely believes she’s pure.

Now… There is only love in our lives.

And he and I can sincerely hope she learns to live with her, moves on and finds in someone else, what we have found in each other.

Check mate…


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No matter where I am, I'm lost and learning to like it. I'm a living contradiction, and the best lies I tell are the ones I tell myself.
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