Forever Tainted

I left the island on Thursday the 24^th.  When I left, the island was blanketed in snow; odd for February; odd for the island at all, actually.  I arrived in Squamish just as it appeared it’s own snow was making it’s way out and the skies were breaking for spring.  I woke the morning of the 26th and my world was once again white.   

It was snowing again here.   

I could not make out where the lawns ended and the roads started.  I could not see the color of my car.  I’m not a fan of cold.  I don’t like having to dig my car out in order to get in and drive it away.  I don’t like icy roads, or frozen toes.  And I certainly don’t like that as snow fades away, it becomes slush: sticky, heavy, mucky slush.  I made my way to work just the same.  It continued to snow the entire day and I had to dig my car out a second time as I headed for home that night.

The weather forecast threatens snow, with snow mixed with rain as far ahead as they dare predict.  It actually causes me severe anxiety while I sleep at night – thinking about potentially icy or slushy roads and having to drive on them.  Perhaps it’s because one of my first experiences ever with death had to do with icy roads.   

Brian’s sister died thanks to black ice, more than 15 years ago now.  My mom broke the news to me.  I broke the news to him.  It’s not easy telling someone you love, their loved one has passed… (I cannot imagine how my brother felt telling me about mom). But then, Brian’s sister really wasn’t my first experience with death, nor should it have any effect on my feelings for snow and cold now.  I’m pretty sure I’m just a pussy, perhaps with a bit of drama queen in me as well… 

Snow gives me something to complain about, feel discontent about.  Snow, and my negative feelings towards it give me variety.  And at the end of the day, variety is good – even when sometimes, we have to switch it up for something we dislike.

So it’s snowy in Squamish. I’ll live.  I bet I’ll even appreciate the warm a little more when it comes around too.

I miss my Lars.