Forever Tainted

How life gets in the way of the things we want to do…

Last night after work (both my work here in my office, and Lars’ evening work on the suite) we cuddled up and listened to his voice-mail together. We couldn’t change his number without losing them, so just in case there was something important in the mess we decided it better to do first. Finding the time to bother with the dribble was the hard part; but last night it was finally done. 17 000 messages from the ex, accusing him/us of stealing his dog and begging for him to call – promising she wasn’t going to stop calling until he answers her (pathetic), 2 or 3 messages from debt collections agencies asking FOR HER (disgusting, but not surprising), and one call from the RCMP about the dog (ridiculous).

The cop sounded annoyed that his time was being wasted on this, and actually said he really didn’t care, but the ex girlfriend claimed to be worried about the safety of the dog, so if we have M, to please give him a call and let him know that he’s safe. We’re not calling. And there’s fuck all that bitch or the RCMP can do about that. Your accusations, they’re a civil matter bitch. The RCMP can’t do anything for you – aside from try to appease you by making a phone call. It’s my legal right to ignore that message and you, cunt. Stop wasting my tax dollars by abusing the use of our police force (you spend enough of my money, being the ungrateful welfare bum that you are)!

His number has now been changed and that chapter of his life is done with. Though I’m certain, we’ll all exhale when we know she’s no longer on Canadian soil, leaching off our system. Never in my life have I come across such a delusional psychotic being.

~*~

I’ve spent a fair amount of time thinking about her feeble attempts at insulting me. Things like, ”If I’m a bad mom for leaving my 2 & 3 year-old children at home all alone where they might accidentally kill themselves, what about you for leaving the country your child is in?!” The concept of ‘It’s ok to be crappy because in my perspective I think others are shitty too’, is beyond me.

For the record, I’m not a bad mom and I’m ok with the decisions I’ve made regarding my son. By all means, I WAS a shitty, neglectful mother that couldn’t handle it even with maids and all sorts of help. I had trouble engaging my son in play, and spending any sort of quality time with him. I was too sick to make it to school functions. And though I wanted to spend every moment with him, I didn’t have the energy to do anything while he was around. It took five years but, I was finally able to see what a bad influence I was on my young sons life, and that is exactly why I made the choices I did – the best choices possible for both him and I – no matter how badly it hurt. My son is in fantastic care, with his father (who loves him very much), and other family who wouldn’t dare have left him alone for a minute when he was a toddler. He carries his own cell so he and I can talk, and the minute it’s possible he and I will be together again, I’m certain.

In the meantime, when Lars and I are ready to have our own children… I know that heart and soul, I’ll be prepared for it. They won’t be locked in a back room, while I watch movies or play on the net. They won't be left alone while I leave the house for any reason. Their only language won’t be of screaming and yelling. They’ll not be fed food that kills from places like McDonalds. And they’ll be loved, so very, very loved.

Other attempted insults like, ”I’m young and you’re old…" have me almost in stitches for so very many reasons. The first being the most obvious, I’m not old. Moving on, does she somehow suppose that she is the only person on earth that will somehow fight time, and stay forever young? Or is she really trying to turn into an insult something that she will evidently have to become? Does she view today, her tomorrow as an insult? ”Youth is wasted on the young.” God it must suck to see the world through her eyes. If getting back a decade meant I’d have to see the world as she does, I sure as fuck wouldn’t take those years back for the world!

Anyway, I’ve gone on for a rather long time about this… I think I’ll head on over to our new suite and see if there’s anything I can do. If not, maybe we’ll head out for a walk, or I’ll just curl back up in bed before I go into work this afternoon. It's a beautiful day... But I kinda feel like spending it in bed.