Forever Tainted

Having never been wrong about anything my entire life, even when telling you what your opinion should be on K9’s and other such things, is finally taking it’s toll on me. Sympathize with me, as stupid mortals cannot comprehend how stupid they are and it’s driving me insane.

I’m right. I’M RIGHT! I AM ALWAYS FUCKING RIGHT! I’ll stomp my feet and twist my words, drag up issues from the past while screaming at you to prove it. I am never wrong.

Nor am I responsible for my own happiness, my own security, even my own toilet.

You are. Or she is. Or even him, over there!

And when you fix what I have broken, I owe you neither apology nor thanks. How absurd you should expect even a note of gratitude from someone of my standing. Mortal humans, so stupid! You are unworthy of my time, will you never learn?

So dumb you are that you’ll never see it my way – it’s almost cute to watch you try. But can you not see the troubles you cause me?

How hard it is to always be right in a world where everyone else is wrong.

I’m about double that age now. Double the age I was when I thought I knew just about everything. And now I can see that I really know nothing at all.

Things change so drastically as we age. Events unfold altering who we are from our very core. I’m fairly certain my life’s events have left me utterly insane. I’m ok with that though.

Trying to pull together the strings of my life and make some rational sense of what’s left in my irrational world, I’ve found myself subject to more stress than I know how to manage. Stress kills – literally. It started with my hands. I was recently diagnosed with Raynaud’s. My immune system is shot and it seems I’m suddenly allergic to some unknown substance – I have welts and rashes.

I’m getting old; so old I can start to complain about random ailments even as I finally start taking real note of my health.

The last few months I’ve found myself a bit of a fitness freak. I’ve replaced smoking with hours in the gym. Generally, I feel and look better than I probably have in years. But I’m falling apart. I know it. I can feel it. Time has taken her grip and is sucking me in. And it feels like it’s taking her no time at all.