Forever Tainted

Exactly one month from today, it will be a year since I left the United Arab Emirates and returned home. Even though I said it, I don’t know that when I left I believed I’d be gone this long. I’ve probably done more growing up in the 11 short months I’ve been home, than I did in 12 years I spent in the UAE. Things are real here. The good is true, not plastic; the bad is graphic and cold, rather than sugarcoated and lied about.

Five months ago, I found myself a good job, in a good accounting firm that ironically is run by women, and women alone. Approximately ten months ago, my mother started to lose her mind. Things have been just as dramatic here as they had in the UAE. Just two days ago, I talked to my 5 year old son, who is still in the UAE with his father - where I hope to have the strength, the means, and the stability here with my mom, to return eventually.

The gripes are different here. The storyline & characters have altered a little. But the tone has not changed all that much. And since this is my life we’re talking about, I doubt the tone will ever change beyond recognition.

I have decided to start writing again. But I’ve decided this book is going to be more about me, and what I’m experiencing, what I’ve experienced, what I aspire for, and what I want to write (as always). I’ve decided this book will be a real journal, and not just one conceived to inflame, infuriate and entertain; that by no means, means I will not get inflamed or enraged, and I will not entertain... Who the hell can predict such things?

The point is, this is going to be my journal. My real journal. You’re welcome along for the ride, but keep in mind that just because the door is open, doesn’t mean I invited you in. Respect the fact that what I share here are pieces of me. You don’t have to like me. I ask only that you respect me and my little place here.