Forever Tainted

Dogs, Dogs, Dogs!

2012-02-01T18:48:00.001-08:00

There was what I can only assume was a multi-page rant from Amanda in my Facebook inbox today. I didn’t bother to read it. I’ve seen enough of her low jabs at Renee, and childish comments towards myself and others to know there was nothing worth my time in whatever it was she had to say. Instead of reading it, I simply replied with, “You are confusing me for someone who will bother to read

What wasn’t said Yesterday…

2012-02-01T08:16:00.001-08:00

In the middle of writing last night’s blog entry, my sister Kelly gave me a call. She has a whole pile of bullshit to deal with, with her ex-husband and a few court dates coming up. She will be in my thoughts over the next little while, as will my niece’s and nephew. I wasn’t able to finish with all I had to say. I got a letter from the lawyer acting as executor of my mom’s estate, in the

What a full day!

2012-01-31T20:22:00.000-08:00

Lets start with the latest first… My father’s fourth child Amanda, who made the choice from the start, not to give me the time of day sent me an email today. It was in response to my email to her that outlined how lonely she’s chosen to make herself by spontaneously deleting me from her facebook (and not even giving me a chance to be her sister to begin with). Here’s what it said, i never ask

Finding Calm… Kind of Awesome...

2012-01-28T22:51:00.000-08:00

My shoulder sounds like there’s a diaper stuck to it. This afternoon I went to Incendiary to get the Arabic in my mom tribute tattoo touched up. I also introduced Jimmy to my next piece, which is now scheduled for the 3rd of March. The next piece will almost frame my mom’s tribute, draping from the upper portion of my right back/shoulder and then dropping down my arm. It is a floral

true.

2012-01-20T12:42:00.000-08:00

How about just...

2012-01-19T21:10:00.001-08:00

Fuck you.

2012

2012-01-13T20:16:00.001-08:00

I’m not angry anymore about that stupid bitch. She’ll get hers, one day. My brother and his girlfriend (the soon to be parents of Lars and my newest niece or nephew) came by for dinner tonight. Jesse called his father who insisted on talking to me, and then informed me that my aunt Patty has been diagnosed with lung cancer and has been given two years to live. I’m just learning to deal with

Once Again that Whore has Fucked Us

2012-01-13T09:57:00.001-08:00

I finally got a response from the lawyer today. It didn’t come without pulling teeth though. Here’s how the conversation goes: ~*~ “Hello ***, This is my 4th email to you about the status of my mother’s estate and whether or not Sheila’s refusal has had an effect on the same. There are two other beneficiaries here that are interested in the outcome who are looking to me for an answer. Are

Back to Bed...

2012-01-13T09:31:00.000-08:00

Having breakfast at Sophie’s Place with my dad and Larry yesterday, I realized that one of my earrings is missing. These are the diamond studs Lars gave me a few weeks before Christmas. They match the tennis bracelet I unwrapped from him on Christmas morning. When he gave both pieces to me I mentioned that I’d probably lose the earrings and break the bracelet (it being so dainty and all). He

Our Paradise… Who cares about the rest…

2012-01-06T10:09:00.000-08:00

As I sit on the couch here, I watch out the windows as two Humming Birds fly up and drink from each of the two feeders we have hanging outside each of our two bay windows. I can’t help but think as Lars’ Facebook status said this morning, ’just another morning in paradise.’ If it weren’t for those feeders, the Humming Birds would die, having no natural food source here in the winter and having

Three Nights of Deep Sleep…

2012-01-02T08:59:00.001-08:00

I woke with a headache this morning, but it made me realize I didn’t have one yesterday. Yesterday was a break from the month-long hurt I’d be enduring. Getting a good night’s sleep seems to be bigger portion of the problem than I thought. It occurred to me yesterday as my boss spoke about the upcoming year’s events and how much a part of the plans I still was, she had ignored (or not been

Went to the doctor this morning…

2011-12-30T18:06:00.001-08:00

The month-long headache I’ve endured is a migraine. There’s no increased pressure in my eyes, nothing else to explain it. It’s most-likely stress induced and appears to be the cause of my spontaneous blurred vision. Since birth control is known to increase migraine symptoms, I’ve been taken off the pill. My sleeping pill prescription has been renewed and I’ve been warned to take it for up to

I know this feeling…

2011-12-29T17:59:00.000-08:00

It’s that feeling you get when your brain takes over and says you need to let go of something you love. I felt it when I left the UAE; left my son, 4 years ago. I feel it now, as I explained (as best I could without turning into a blubbering idiot) to my boss that I was resigning. The night before last I lay in bed tossing and turning so thoroughly upset over the day’s professional events, I

things about me that I don’t know

2011-12-09T20:11:00.001-08:00

People like you are able to tell me things about me that I don’t know, thanks to this crappy memory of mine. In fact, most of my childhood friends are. The ones who I still communicate with casually on facebook or elsewhere all seem to remember things we did together that I don’t recall in the faintest. I wish so many of us didn’t live so far apart these days… I’d love to catch up, be reminded

It matters...

2011-12-08T19:27:00.001-08:00

At 7:27am my son gave me a missed call this morning. I called him back right away and he answered. He sounded miserable. The most I got out of him was a ‘fine’. When I asked him why he seemed so down, he said he was tired and when he told me he loved me, he mumbled so that his words were almost inaudible. It would have been 7:27pm his time, so I suppose him being tired makes sense. Trish

Spinning in Place

2011-12-07T21:04:00.000-08:00

I find myself browsing the UAE classifieds looking for potential positions and feel my eyes swell up with tears, my throat tighten and my stomach turn itself inside out until there’s a hollow tugging pull in all directions. I am terrified of that place. I’m terrified of what it once made me and has the potential to make me again. I’m terrified of how dangerous it really is, with its ass

Shinies & a Man Burning at the Stake…

2011-11-30T22:57:00.000-08:00

I got a lot more done today than I thought I would. I woke early, as I often do these days. I jumped on the treadmill hoping to sweat this cold out of me. I took a shower and ran out the door with Lars to pick up tickets for tomorrow nights’ show, and get to Incendiary Tattoos, to get his tattoo started. Today was his turn to be tortured, and apparently it was my day to be spoiled. As Jim

I’m sick…

2011-11-29T20:03:00.000-08:00

I’m sick but that’s ok. It’s a tired, stuffy-headed, sniffly, sneezy, brain-in-the-clouds, kind of sick and not the I-want-to-puke-while-pulling-my-own-hair-out-and-shedding-my-own-irritated-skin kind of sick. I can live with this sick. And I’d rather be sick now than during Christmas or over the New Year. And today, I was reminded once again how lucky I am. I was allowed to leave work a few

The rest of my life...

2011-11-26T20:19:00.000-08:00

Lars read that last entry of mine. Then, we opened a few early Christmas presents and celebrated ‘Us’. It occurred to us that we were spending so much time building up for one special day, we were kinda missing the ones in-between. So we celebrated. I left for Squamish knowing there was nothing wrong with us – knowing my everything would be waiting for me when I get home. The week in

So… I’m not feeling it.

2011-11-19T19:32:00.001-08:00

Lars and I aren’t at each other’s throats… but we’re nor at each other’s hearts either these days. We’re lukewarm, at best. Today while we were out shopping I snapped at him – I was on the verge of making one of those public scenes I hate so very much (and should probably be very thankful that he didn’t let it escalate but instead just stayed quiet). He was busy admiring the Dyson fans and I

Tattoo done!

2011-11-13T19:37:00.000-08:00

It translates to: my mother my heart every sun must rise and set (her signature) July 23, 1954 – July 23, 2011 It hurt a fuck of a lot. But Lars let me squeeze his hand throughout – teasing me a little along the way. I smiled a whole lot too – being half naked in a public place was weird for me! He’s scheduled for the 30th of November to have his sleeve done. While my little tattoo there

Occupy Me… Misery Welcomes Company

2011-11-03T19:58:00.000-07:00

Occupy Me… Misery Welcomes Company I really didn’t want to get into this, but since I was so explicitly asked about it… here goes: If an entire class of kindergarten students start screaming and yelling; one that he’s thirsty, another that she’s hungry, third that he needs to go to the bathroom, a fourth that she’s being sexually or otherwise assaulted at home, a fifth that his dad, the soul

Honesty

2011-10-25T21:14:00.000-07:00

I’m not really sure how I’m best to react to your Facebook friend request. I don’t know where it has come from or why you’ve decided you’d finally like to be a part of my life. We haven’t spoken in 17 years. I am very angry at you – more so since my mom died. I’m a grown enough person that I know I can let go of my anger eventually. What concerns me more is whether or not you’ll ever be able to

Stress at Work

2011-10-24T19:04:00.001-07:00

I’ve been having a hard time with stress lately. A little stress is good; it keeps the adrenalin up and helps a person succeed. Not too much… Not so much. It builds up in me, and reflects itself in places it doesn’t belong in my life. Friday night, Lars and I missed a costume party because I was too wound up to even think about enjoying myself. Saturday, I fell into a tantrum because I

How lucky I am…

2011-10-19T20:56:00.000-07:00

I gave Lars a greeting card tonight. It said, “I want to grow old and disgusting with you.” I’m pretty sure he feels the same and for that I’m pretty lucky. There’s another in the stack, waiting for the right time for me to hand it over. Perhaps, just maybe… I’ll hand it over once he’s had a chance to read and absorb these thoughts of mine. I lost the true love of my life when I was a

It's Your Choice

2011-10-09T21:31:00.000-07:00

Every morning you wake up fresh. Whole new sets of decisions are presented to you, because each morning is the first morning of the rest of your life. It dawned on me today, how profoundly true that is. I’ve come to a place in my life where I realize can choose my fate. I don’t mean that like some godless atheist who thinks they can predict the future, their time of death, or is immortal, but

Graduated Q College, Met Renee & Lars Left…

2011-08-17T23:27:00.000-07:00

Such a busy non-summer it’s been! Most of it has been just brilliant. I graduated my Web Design course – finishing with a final grade of 100% - after of course the Administrator corrected his typing error that initially gave me 97%. He blamed the mistake on others. I personally think he did it on purpose out of spite (I didn’t exactly make his life easy) – he probably didn’t count on me

Moving Forward

2011-07-09T09:54:00.000-07:00

I’m so very excited. I built chrystals.ca from scratch. Aside from the blog, which isn’t up and running yet, it’s fully functional. Next, I’ll build the office website, then one for Lars’ sister, and perhaps even one for Lars and his freelancing. I’ve been thinking about doing a memorial site for my mom; decorate it in all the things she

Geek

2011-05-20T08:23:00.000-07:00

Our instructor tells us that when you know things like ‘URL’ is an abbreviation for Uniform (or Universal) Resource Locator or the ‘http’ in a web URL is an abbreviation for Hypertext Transfer (or Transport) Protocol and you understand what people are talking about when they’re talking of text sized ‘em’ and other random things like what XAMPP is, it’s official, you are a geek. And… I’ll wear

Poison

2011-05-16T16:27:00.001-07:00

What you're looking for.... Is in the comments HERE, Poison. Seriously. A hobby or something, maybe?

Language Evolution

2011-05-13T11:53:00.001-07:00

I read yesterday morning that the Official Scrabble Dictionary has published a new addition that includes words like ‘grrl’, ‘thang’ and ‘innit’ (short for ‘isn’t it’). These are in addition to common Hindi words for food, and names of street drugs. My prediction is that it won’t be long for Oxford and Miriam Webster to follow suite and add

Sunny Mornings...

2011-05-12T09:54:00.000-07:00

I woke up to Lars’ alarm this morning. He rolled over for a few minutes of cuddles, kissed me and crawled out of bed. I got up just before he walked out the door and asked him to stay. He came back for one last hug and sent me back to bed. I was followed by the cats who made it absolutely impossible for me to get back to sleep. I didn’t

Mother’s Day…

2011-05-08T19:10:00.000-07:00

“I feel like crying,” I said as we walked into the kitchen. And before the words were out of my mouth I choked up, my eyes filled with tears and my knees went weak. I fell into Lars’ arms and just sobbed against his chest for a bit. Mother’s Day is hard for me. My mom’s dead. I have no mom to spoil. My son is a world away from me. Most people forget I’m a mom at all – let alone spoil me.

Dreaming...

2011-05-07T14:25:00.000-07:00

I’ve been dreaming a lot lately. I’ve dreamt about my mom about my son, about the bloody neighbours, even. In fact, my brain activity has been going nuts as through my schooling, I’ve found another, digital way to express emotion. I’ve always written, painted, drawn. Now, I can do it all electronically, which only offers a larger, more elaborate paint board with multiple mediums for me to

Osama Bin Laden is Dead

2011-05-02T22:52:00.000-07:00

Why the hell is the UAE blog world so quiet about it? I was expecting thought-provoking posts among at least one of my favourite UAE blogs, Life in Dubai, UAEian, or Buj Al Arab but no; not even is there mention of it in The UAE Community Blog. I’m amazed, about as amazed as I am startled by this news. I feel. And I don’t know what it is I

Complete

2011-04-24T17:05:00.001-07:00

I’ll wait for you there, like a stone.I’ll wait for you there… alone. Funny the difference a day can make, the pain a heart can take, feign break only to awake more complete, than it’s ever been before.

Today...

2011-04-23T18:51:00.001-07:00

We spent the day playing in the warmth… the warmth of the sun and the warmth of each other. My body is not yet fully healed but we’ve enjoyed almost every inch of one another just the same. We woke to sunshine bathing our deck, so out we went to enjoy our morning coffee. Lars moved on to chop wood and I watched for a while, before I

...

2011-04-23T09:53:00.001-07:00

.

2011-04-20T18:47:00.001-07:00

I slept better last night than I have in weeks, months even. Lars and I ate our ice cream in one another’s arms and talked quietly of feelings – both good and bad, hopes, dreams and fears. When my eyes just wouldn’t stay open anymore, I found myself asking him to sleep over. By ‘sleep over’ I meant, spend the night with me in my office,

Tired Tears...

2011-04-19T20:39:00.000-07:00

Since I was a little girl ‘sleepy me’ has been a crybaby. Literally. When I’m over tried, I cry about everything and anything. In fact, tired enough, I will even cry over a non-thing. I’ve felt a lot like that lately, only right now, I know I have had some reason to cry. Not today though. Today is better. I should be and am finding

Broken Things

2011-04-18T19:14:00.001-07:00

The month my mom died, I worked 193 hours. I suffered indescribable amounts of pain, loss, anger and resentment. I kept so busy it was only at night when I lay down to sleep I really had to think of, to feel anything. As the nights felt like years, each minute a week, I can’t imagine what I’d have done without my job. I couldn’t ask for a better time to start this course. I will now spend at

Today... I'm thankful...

2011-04-17T07:32:00.000-07:00

It took two sleeping pills for me to finally fall asleep last night. I’ve woken this morning still exhausted, but willing to get on with my day... my life. I came to realize yesterday that every time we have had a falling out, I was somehow painted as the bad person when the reality of the entire relationship, the entire situation is that we were never meant to be. Period. Because he thinks of

The End…

2011-04-16T18:17:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday, Lars and I lost a baby. We decided to terminate the pregnancy, knowing neither of us was in any position to bring a child into the world. Before learning it was a pregnancy eating at my immune system, simply thinking I was sick with ear and throat infections, I’d unknowingly taken a course of antibiotics, a few sleeping

VIRGIN MOBILE - COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE SERVICE

2011-04-13T21:19:00.000-07:00

I have been a customer of Virgin Mobile since May 2010. Never have I had a problem until today and this problem is not only unacceptable but the customer service and steps to resolution I’ve received in response are completely lacking. I simply will not accept this kind of service. No paying customer should. I have a Blackberry Curve. In addition to my National Calling plan, I have the

April is Autism Awareness Month

2011-04-10T17:51:00.000-07:00

Hello Boys & Girls! It’s the 2nd year in a row when I shall start to solicit your charity for the cause of Autism Awareness. As some of you know April is Autism Awareness month, though we walk on September 25th, I can’t think of a better time than now to start appealing to you. It’s all too often we only stand for a cause we know personally – and all too often we learn personally a little too

1 Year…

2011-04-02T11:01:00.000-07:00

Tonight, sometime between 11:50 and midnight, will mark exactly 1 year since I first lay eyes on Lars. Overall, it’s been a great year of us getting to know one another at our best and worst. We’ve had some huge fights (he’s far more dramatic than I am) and we’ve had some explicit moments of absolutely blissful love (he’s far more romantic,

Changes will be made to chrystals.ca

2011-03-29T12:49:00.001-07:00

So I shall preserve this blog entry here: Monday, 10 January 2011 21:48 Love and hate are both fantastic emotions. Like just about everything else in life, they are linked. We need to know one to know the other and as core emotions many perceptions, beliefs and personality-traits are conceived of these two basics. I figured this was a great place to start; a place to start my

A look inside…

2011-03-23T22:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes all it takes is a look deep inside; we just need to listen to our bodies, deepest thoughts, and our subconscious feelings, in order for everything to make sense… to slowly fall back into place in order that we become ourselves again. I’m starting to feel a whole lot better. I still feel very wronged by a number of people, but with

Bitterness…

2011-03-21T15:58:00.000-07:00

I’m trying my hardest to fight off a severe internal bitterness right now. It’s been looming, growing even, in my core for weeks now. And we’ve had a few seemingly great days around here, at least on the surface. We were able to enjoy my birthday party; in fact, some of us had too much fun: But deep inside, I can’t help but feel I’ve

Like a baby…

2011-03-16T22:52:00.000-07:00

The last 24 hours have been emotionally, psychologically, and physically exhausting. I am going to sleep like a baby tonight. Today… today has been calm and quiet. I made sure it would be. I ignored every ounce of drama and removed every possible hint of its conception from my immediate surroundings the moment I opened my still-tired-eyes. I have been deeply saddened; perhaps even in a state

Poison…

2011-03-15T23:27:00.001-07:00

You can’t offer a person a glass of tainted wine, with the capsules clearly visible and then claim you’re offering them nourishment, scream at them for not accepting your gesture, while they watch you try to poison them. Likewise, you can’t claim you’re trying to make amends, make up, and get over a falling out, while still assaulting and insulting, furious your futile attempts at reconciliation

Pouring again…

2011-03-12T00:07:00.001-08:00

It’s been a crappy week, from start to finish. I know I’m hated. I’m ok with that. Today though… I learned that I’m hated enough for someone to try and kill me. I’m not so ok with that. Let me explain… A few days into my recent Squamish trip, I woke in the morning, jumped in my car and headed to my nieces house. We were off to the city to

Add blood and guilt…

2011-03-08T13:05:00.000-08:00

So I woke up this morning and the pain has subsided a little. Normally, I’d assume that’s a sign of healing. But normally, pain reduction wouldn’t be accompanied by bleeding. My ear is bleeding. Add that to being deaf, having a dry cough that keeps me awake at night, and it’s not a pretty picture. I’m not a pretty picture. We can add guilt to the mix now too. When I realized I was bleeding,

UhOh! I'm Home...

2011-03-06T19:22:00.000-08:00

If home is where my heart is, then home is in Dubai with my son, on the island with Lars, my brother and my father, in Squamish where my sister, nieces, nephew and my company are. Home is also in Ontario where my other siblings reside. They say that home is where the heart is… but what if your heart is shattered, in pieces all over the

The White Blanket…

2011-02-28T21:23:00.000-08:00

I left the island on Thursday the 24th. When I left, the island was blanketed in snow; odd for February; odd for the island at all, actually. I arrived in Squamish just as it appeared it’s own snow was making it’s way out and the skies were breaking for spring. I woke the morning of the 26th and my world was once again white. It was

The 'No-Longer-Exists' People Pile

2011-02-18T09:16:00.000-08:00

When James and I started talking again, I learned a few things that have changed my life forever. James was one of my best friends. We understood each other. His first visit ever out to the coast was to come visit me for a few days. Then we fell out, James did something to me I thought I could never, ever forgive him for. And under the

Suddenly Monday – And Our Family Expands…

2011-02-16T21:40:00.000-08:00

We woke this morning to the first rays of sunshine to creep through the window and touch our skin, in months. It was a beautiful morning and today has been an amazing day. ~*~ My biological father’s name is Ed. I met Ed once in my life when I was 13-years-old. I hated the man with a passion. He had beaten my mother and I knew it. She never complained or bitched about it. She answered

Spoiled Rotten… In Love...

2011-02-14T19:31:00.000-08:00

Valentines Day has always been a Hallmark holiday to me. It’s just another excuse to force or be forced into wasting money on crap we don’t need – but want to make us feel loved. I think those are surface feelings though: you know… the feelings that are most prominent, obvious and loud? (It’s often the loudest one of the bunch, talks the most crap). This year as Valentines came around I

Hating ICBC

2011-02-11T21:03:00.000-08:00

It’s been an ugly day. I fucking hate ICBC: the Insurance Corporation of British Columbia. Almost like I fucking hate BC Ferries. (Almost as much as I hate you, bitch, and wonder why the hell you still read my blog… but that of course, is for another entry altogether, if/when I have the inclination to bother with it.) Hell, I hate any monopoly organization. ICBC isn’t just a monopoly

A better effort…

2011-02-02T21:21:00.000-08:00

In a month and a half, I’ll be turning 30 - or what I tend to answer when people ask: 25 for the 6th time. I’m not sure why people want to interpret that for twenty-five times six, when I really mean, when I turned 25 it was the 1st time, the following year it was the 2nd time, so on, and so on. Perhaps it says a lot about people’s psyche. Perhaps it says a lot about my own. I don’t know.

Life

2011-01-26T00:51:00.000-08:00

Oh how life gets in the way… That’s one of my favorite sentences there… I use it often when I feel overwhelmed, busy and like I’ve been neglecting those chores like writing in this blog here... And now that I think about it, I’m not sure I even know what it means… but I’m sure you do. ;) As I initiate my refresher courses from high school, I can’t help but admire all those 16, 17 year olds

To warm a mother’s heart…

2011-01-10T09:33:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning to a surprise. For a few days now, I have been trying to get in touch with my son, and for a few days he has been trying to call me right back. But with exactly 12 hours difference, it means one of us is almost always sleeping. This morning, he sent me his very first, ever, text message: Ali has had his own mobile phone since he was 3-years-old. During the divorce of

Shiny things…

2011-01-08T11:04:00.000-08:00

I love shiny things, which is one reason I adored Leah S’s nickname for Lars, ‘Shiny Lars’ – the implication being, I help make him shiny. In return, he sure helps keep me shiny too: both literally and metaphorically. As the legal proceedings for my mom’s estate slowly come to an end, I was recently called into the law office to collect the necklace my mom had left me, the bracelet she left

And I said ‘Yes’

2010-12-28T13:02:00.000-08:00

The 22nd and 23rd of December 2010 were like an angry sea of emotions around here. Lars and I were at each other’s throats – both of us saying one thing and being heard as saying another; both of us too stubborn to stand back and look at the situation. By the end, we were both taking cheap shots at one another and I finally decided I was done. I asked that he stay the fuck away from me. He

One factor of a² -8a +12 is…

2010-12-13T15:05:00.000-08:00

…the answer to getting what I want. I graduated my IGCSE’s way back in 1998 or so. Being a student in an International School in Dubai, UAE, this was the high school equivalent. I went from completing my IGCSE’s to the American University, where I studied just two semester’s of Visual Communications before leaving school behind and heading into the workforce. I didn’t want to study Visual

Signs…

2010-12-09T10:19:00.000-08:00

Monday of this week was by far the worst workday of my entire professional life. From the moment ‘I got into the office’ (I don’t actually physically go into my office, I remote in from home) until the moment I left it seemed my boss was kicking my ass. Add to that multiple technical issues and system malfunctions and the day chopped up to pure hell. The rest of this week has followed the same

Leap of Faith...

2010-12-08T10:33:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning and logged onto Facebook. Staring me in the face was this status, ‘Ask yourself, what would you love to do and then do it. R.I.P. John Lennon.’The timing is impeccable, as lately, I’ve been asking myself what it is I love and whether or not I should be making some major life changes. For a long time I wasn’t able to answer a question like, ‘What do I like,’ or ‘What makes

Christmas…

2010-12-07T07:27:00.001-08:00

When I came back to Canada three years ago, I allowed myself to somewhat join in on the Christmas festivities. Christmas was after all, my, like every other child’s, favorite holiday. Religiously, no longer a celebrator, I still worked my full eight hours last year and the year before, and I took the most undesirable shift possible (so someone who celebrates didn’t have to).Last year was a bit

Prepared to Die

2010-12-01T22:21:00.000-08:00

I laughed though it really wasn’t funny. It was a nervous laughter, as I sincerely didn’t know how to answer the question, “do you consider a permanent coma, paralysis from the neck down, or any condition that would require permanent life support and intolerable (unacceptable) condition?”I was in the Notaries Public office and having just signed off on my Last Will (created for the purpose of

Those moments…

2010-11-30T09:23:00.000-08:00

I can still picture it, feel it, at this very moment. We sat in a booth of a dimly lit bar called Julie’s. Filipino singers sang western tunes in the background, which often throughout the night became the foreground as my friends and mother got up to dance. There were tumblers full of amber-coloured liquids next to shot glasses left with only a creamy residue inside them, spread across the

Cold, cold, cold snowy days…

2010-11-23T10:39:00.000-08:00

It’s not supposed to snow on the west coast, or at least that’s what they say… It didn’t snow last year, but the year before that my father couldn’t bring his car down the drive for a month the snow and ice was so bad. So far this year, it’s been about 3 days that his car has been parked at the top of the driveway, on the street. My car, on the other hand has top of the line all-weather tires,

And another move…

2010-11-16T14:26:00.000-08:00

It’s starting to feel like I’ve literally lived in every inch of this house. After mom died and I had to come back home, it was a room upstairs until the 1st basement suite was finished. When that was complete, I moved into the smaller of the two suites this house has. Then I met and fell in love with Lars. My suite wasn’t big enough for the both of us. So when the tenant of the other suite

Stand the Fuck Up!

2010-11-11T17:42:00.000-08:00

I don’t get what’s wrong with this society. Everyone bitches, and whinges in the confides of their comfy homes to their closest friends about the same unjust things, but no one, and I mean NO ONE will stand up and fight for what they believe in – and in doing so, they do NOTHING to rectify the problems they bitch about.Bad doesn’t really happen if we close our eyes so tight we don’t see it. He’

2010-11-10T14:49:00.000-08:00

The Holiday Season is Here…So much has happened since I last wrote here; most of which good – and even that which isn’t the greatest always seems to have a silver lining eventually. I’d almost forgotten about this little haven.“Blog More,” the text message I got last night read. It was from James, a friend and fellow blogger. He’s right. I haven’t spent enough time here and writing. And I

To Step on a Spyders Back

2010-09-29T11:44:00.000-07:00

Amazing… Not so surprising, but amazing just the same..I Googled my name yesterday and got a good laugh. Here, I’ll show you:Now, of course I’ve blacked out both my full name and the blog owners details (including her URL) because we wouldn’t want to send traffic her way – leading you all to read something I myself haven’t and won’t bother to read. Trust me, you’re not missing much – and those

Bubbye Bitch…

2010-08-24T10:34:00.000-07:00

How life gets in the way of the things we want to do…Last night after work (both my work here in my office, and Lars’ evening work on the suite) we cuddled up and listened to his voice-mail together. We couldn’t change his number without losing them, so just in case there was something important in the mess we decided it better to do first. Finding the time to bother with the dribble was the

Natually green-eyed...

2010-08-19T09:56:00.000-07:00

...I suppose you have a reason other than envy for the light contact-lenses too? I can't wait to hear it!~*~It occurred to me a few weeks ago that I only write in this blog for others. I hold a lot back on what I think, and feel, and all those pesky little details that are really making their way through my brain. It was preventing me from writing at all… The truth of the matter is, that’s

Odd...

2010-08-18T14:44:00.000-07:00

I get a tattoo on my wrist (with Lars), you get a tattoo on your wrists.I sing Little Mermaid Songs (to Lars) & dye my hair red, and you dye your hair what you refer to as "Little Mermaid Red".I re-format my blog to this nifty black design, you do the same.Just odd.Starting to think you have an obsession, and I should be scared. Really scared.

If you’re calling because…

2010-08-04T19:40:00.000-07:00

…you want him to pay your rent, you can go fuck yourself. Here’s a little reminder as to why:FAIL!!!WIN!!!And yes… I encourage bad behaviour when it’s directed at the deserving. You are deserving.~*~We’ve been so busy over the last little while; I’ve hardly had time to keep up with Facebook, blogging or anything else online it seems. And so very much has happened… Starting with the least

Not enough time in the day…

2010-07-28T21:18:00.000-07:00

From the moment we wake till the time we go to bed it seems Lars and I are on the move, doing something. All of it seems split between working our day jobs and working on the suite. It equates to two very, VERY exhausted people by the end of the day.After another trip to Home Depot today, my father calculated his total spending on the renovations so far to be around 6 thousand dollars.

Fun, Fun, Fun!

2010-07-26T22:06:00.000-07:00

Lars and I have been having a blast, preparing the other suite for us. I live in a big house. In fact, it’s so big; there are 2 basement suites. My father finished the one I moved into around this time last year, when he asked me to move back home. At the time, we rented the other incomplete suite out at a fraction of its value. The renter (who rarely paid rent at all, actually) moved out,

Happy Birthday....

2010-07-23T22:35:00.000-07:00

Mom...~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~

The Cats Tongue…

2010-07-22T18:54:00.000-07:00

She won’t let me work. She’s on my lap, demanding attention. The more I try to push her away, the more demanding she gets. So I finally let her up. She’s not content to just sit on my lap, she needs me to be cuddling and caressing her between calls. She purrs and licks my chin until I pet her, and then she purrs some more. The cat’s tongue feels like sandpaper – must be nature’s way of

If…

2010-07-16T23:41:00.000-07:00

If every month could be July, and every day be the 23rd, I’d wish that true so that everyone remember you… always. I miss you mom.This month has been hard. Thoughts of you haunt me at night, when I go to bed. And I never see you healthy. I always seem to see the sick, disturbed, even deranged you. It keeps me awake. So I take pill… then another… and another. I’m certain Lars thinks I have a

Every Day Like Yester Days

2010-07-12T16:09:00.000-07:00

I wish every day could be like yesterday – minus the temper-tantrum I threw out of nowhere in the morning, and the missing dog we had to chase down in the evening. Both instances aside, and we had a brilliant day from start to finish.We woke in the morning and played a game of Scrabble over coffee. I had a little fit (seriously am not sure when or how I became such a poor sport, but beat the

I love you because…

2010-07-10T16:34:00.001-07:00

1. We can fight and make friends and still manage to feel as close if not closer than we did before we fought.2. You always remember to put the toilet seat down.3. You cook and clean and help with all that domestic stuff, and that in turn makes everyone’s life easier.4. I sleep better when you’re there to cuddle with.5. We share similar dreams of building a future and living life for now.6. You

Man’s Best Friend Eats Man

2010-07-07T21:41:00.000-07:00

How long would it take for your dog to start gnawing off your decomposing limbs should you die in a car with your best K9 friend locked in with you? And would the amount of abuse you may or may not have forced your dog to endure alter the answer to that question? Apparently, the answer is less than 4 days, if the dog is owned by a complete asshole with no compassion for any life, let alone

It must be PMS

2010-07-07T08:29:00.000-07:00

I’m frustrated and annoyed with the world. Every little thing seems to bother me. My UAE ATM card expired last month. I have spent the last 7 days trying to get them to courier me a new one. It’s meant more money on my phone bill than I have in their bank, and more frustration than the money is worth. I’d close the fucking account, only they’re the best in the UAE so I’ve been told (what a

Exhausted…

2010-07-04T15:23:00.000-07:00

Exhausted…I fell asleep on the couch last night. I woke at 3:45am to a text message that said, “Wake me… I love you. And wont wake you even though all I want is your touch… You need to sleep. Don’t leave without me!!! <3”While falling asleep I wondered whether or not I’d wake him, knowing how exhausted he would be. He answered my questions for him. I curled into bed with him and whispered him

Being Pissed Off…

2010-07-03T10:51:00.000-07:00

Some people will stay in a miserable relationship month after month, year after year; lying to themselves about matters of the heart when in reality they are simply afraid of change; afraid to be single. I’m not like that at all (anymore), which is why ill wishes from dumb whores like Lars’ ex, that he makes me miserable for the rest of my life, will never, ever be granted. I simply wouldn’t

Brains vs Braun

2010-07-02T10:56:00.001-07:00

I’m so glad I’m not a knuckle-dragging ass-wipe, but rather have a few brains.‘NUNYA’ is Internet slang for ‘None of ya damn business’. And no, I didn’t mean ‘your’, but ‘ya’ – as those who use it tend to accept such slang as proper English. A little closer to home, Nunya can also be known as a US Military goon that’s attempted so very hard to threaten (ok, ok… make promises of bodily harm), us

Canada Day…

2010-07-01T10:22:00.000-07:00

This is the third Canada Day in a row that I’ve been back home. Three years. I don’t want to be anywhere else on earth. Yesterday was a bit of a ride (in more ways than one). I asked my boss for a much-deserved raise. It’s not something I did with ease; as I sincerely feel she’s like a mother to me, and as such I dislike asking her for anything but rather trust that she will look out for my

Army Chicks

2010-06-30T21:42:00.000-07:00

Better? ...or in this particular case: sluttier, trashier, dirtier, soiled and classless, filthy little whores that need to talk army boys into sending big, scary, high school-like (worthless) threats based on lies to other people?Get over it bitch. And if you care so much about your children, stop slutting yourself all over the net - being an online cum-dumpster does your children less favors

Memories

2010-06-29T22:33:00.000-07:00

”Today, I interviewed my grandmother for part of a research paper I’m working on for my Psychology class. When I asked her to define success in her own words, she said, “Success is when you look back at your life and the memories make you smile.” I read that quote today. It made me think…While I was in Squamish this past week, I got up with my 7-year-old niece and her little friend and I jumped

Graves

2010-06-29T01:37:00.000-07:00

Leaving my house of out sheer frustration today, I found myself wandering down the beach side, and into a graveyard. I think it’s important to remember the dead, even if you never knew them while they lived. A visit to the graveyard helps remind you, that you a mere mortal…I took photos along the way, as I often find its easier to express myself creatively, rather than talking. And the number

Home…

2010-06-28T10:59:00.000-07:00

Home should be a place where you’re comfortable, at peace, and able to relax. Let the world outside rush by, and worry about the busses being late, the weather being bad, and the stock markets crashing. Let the world outside deal with parking fees, the politicians, and the government’s mistakes. At home, you should be able to think of nothing but that which pleases you.I’ve been home for 2